I disappear sometimes.

Not just from Xanga.

I go through periods of time when I don't analyze, I don't create, I don't think,
I just don't for a while.

Then I wake up and decide that I hate living like that.

It's like my ambitions and my loves and my relationships just sleep.

I let myself mix up certain priorities and forget others completely.

Then, once I realize that I'm miserable, I begin to miss things.
People mostly.
My heart breaks when I think about how many relationships I've stopped nurturing.
It's gross to me how many people I've let go.

I guess while going through college it can seem easier this way.
My best friends leave every year and I never see them again.
Wouldn't it be easier to stop caring rather than deal with a new broken heart each time?

I'm at a point where 'easier' isn't good enough.
I'd rather go for 'fulfilling.'

That needs to start with Christ and work it's way down through the rest of my life.
I feel like I have a huge hurdle to jump over. I'm completely intimidated by the change that needs to happen.

Yet, I'm ready to wake up again.

Also, I have a tendency to be dramatic.

My summer travel is different than it used to be.  It's much more planned and structured.  I actually sat still long enough this summer to get a job but I'm leaving it early to head back to Illinois.  I've been in Idaho since late May and weird as it is, I'm really loving it here.  I'm having a hard time with the idea of going back to the midwest.  Anyway, I'm heading to Denver Wednesday morning and then the rest of the way home Thursday morning.  While I'm not looking forward to the drive, I am looking forward to the man who's picking me up when I get into Illinois.  I've missed my dad so much this summer.  I'm so excited to share all my cool memories and pictures with him.

Speaking of pictures, maybe I'll share a few right here.




Waterfalls on the Snake River

In Yellowstone

Old Faithful

At the Craters of the Moon National Monument